Week 149: Alone.

I've felt pretty alone mostly all my life. Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have family. I'm better off than a lot of people in the world. However, when I find someone who I love, I don't feel alone any more. Now, I have that person that I love and I do feel alone. It's the lowest I've been in a long time and it takes so much effort to go on and fight through every single day without the fuel I was getting before. I used to look forward to the end of a day. Now I do not look forward to anything. My life routine is just a numb process that seems find pleasure in causing me pain. I've got nobody to talk to really, apart from phatic talk which adds negativity rather than positivity to my mindset. I feel lost and I've got no guide. I feel like I'm walking through a mine field with no guardian angel. If you had asked me a few months ago, I would have had that safety net, those arms to fall back in to. Now it's just emptiness and I just long for that void to be filled.

Dan.

 
After taking this photo. I looked at it and thought hard about it, in all honesty there was no meaning behind it when I took it. It was just really nice lighting and looked good aesthetically. The more I look at it the more I realise that it is a complete metaphor for the way I feel right now.

I actually feel like I'm along in a big forest, I feel like I'm lost. I've got nobody to guide me. I see a small pool of light, I haven't seen light like this in a long time so I decide to take a rest before I venture towards it. The one thing I do before I reach that light is something that has the potential to burn the entire forest down around me, for everything to come crashing down. However, after everything has crashed and burned... all I can see is light. There are no constrictions to my freedom, to my happiness.

Song listening to right now: Time - Pink Floyd