Saturday, 29 September 2012

Week 165: Climbing.

I get thinking about certain things regarding which actions I decide to make. My trails of thought run parallel to the paths that I decide to physically take. Just the other day I was at Liverpool Street tube station. It's one of those underground stations that have the huge escalators. You know that feeling when you walk into a room looking for your keys, but you forget what you're doing and you're just stood there for about five minutes staring into space? Well, I had that feeling but I couldn't remember which change I had to make at Liverpool Street. I couldn't remember whether I was getting on the Central Line or the Hammersmith & City. So I was stood there at the bottom of this escalator wondering which way to go. Finally it hit me, I had to go up the enormous escalator that was looming dead ahead of me.

I stepped onto the escalator and stood to the right hand side (which you MUST abide by in London or the people on the left will mow you down as they ascend). So I was stood to the right hand side pretty idle, then for no reason what so ever my subconscious decided I should be climbing this moving staircase. I'm  normally quite cynical when it comes to walking up escalators as it kind of defeats the point unless I'm in an absolute rush. However, this time I wasn't in a rush at all, in fact I had plenty of time to kill. I couldn't explain it, I was climbing past people at a pretty steady rate and it was only about half way when I actually realised what I was doing. I wanted to climb up, whilst everyone who was stood still seemed to be stuck in a routine, just waiting, depending on something else to lift them to the top. I decided I wanted to climb to the top myself with just a little help from the thing they were solely depending on. This might sound like a load of nonsense and stop reading it if is boring you, but I honestly didn't realise any of this until I was almost at the top. Once I reached the top, I knew that the reason I climbed that escalator wasn't because I was in a rush, it was because I wanted to ascend past the dull life of waiting, sticking to routine, depending on a third party to get me to my goal. I wanted to make it to the top myself. Since this was all done subliminally and only realised at the end of my journey, I think that says a lot about my mindset in comparison to a lot of other people I know. It may sound arrogant, but I know a lot of people with the same mindset as me too. However, we all know people who rely on others to get where they want to be and we all know people who will stay in their daily routine waiting for someone else to lift them up. When in reality nobody can help them reach their goal apart from themselves.


A few guys I know who have all been in pretty established bands and are now working together on various projects. I took this a while back. They will always be climbing the music industry ladder. 

Song listening to right now: Draining What Remains - Viatrophy

Monday, 17 September 2012

Week 164: If It Means A Lot To You.

First off, my parents mean a heck of a lot to me, both of them. They've helped me out so much over the years and have been there for me when I've needed them the most. They've been through everything with me and I have nothing but admiration for them.

At the moment I am realising what means the most to me. I've spoken words I've not spoken in years. I've felt my cheeks ache from hours of laughter and smiling. I've also appreciated things in the world that haven't even entered my mind before.

Pure happiness means the most to me right now and that is all I am receiving. Even when I go through something pretty rough, I have someone there. Of course I know I've always had my friends there for me through thick and thin, they have no idea how much enduring love I have for them. However, this time I have someone who goes out of their way to make me smile and I'd do the same no matter what. I haven't appreciated something this much in a long time, and I certainly haven't felt this appreciated in even longer.

Thank you, seriously thank you.


I could say a lot about this picture, how I was feeling when I was taking it, my thought process, the reason I took it and how certain events have changed the meaning of it. There is a lot to it. It's not just a snap, there is so much behind it. However, I've kept it to myself and it will be years before I'm ready to explain it. Only a handful of people understand and only a handful of people will ever understand. It means a lot to me to know I can share such things with certain people.

Song listening to right now: Scene One: James Dean & Audrey Hepburn - Sleeping with Sirens

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Week 163: A State of Utter Happiness.

I've been on the pursuit of happiness for a long time now. I spent a long time searching, wading through the thick waves of social life, wrestling with emotions and sparring with anxiety. Then suddenly one day I decided to stop. To just... stop.

It walked straight into my life. As soon as I stopped pursuing happiness, it decided to pursue me. Everything is going great for me, my career is going really well, I'm getting a great reputation around London, I'm finally back into the world of music and someone great has walked into my life. Someone caring, someone selfless and someone that has an extreme talent to make others in the vicinity smile. That person is a great friend and also a fantastic conversationist. I've never had conversations like this before. There are things brought up that mean a lot to me, I've opened up and spoken about things so honestly. I have always been honest with everyone I meet but now I have no reason to hide my past. It's just a truly natural feeling and I am happy. I've got a bright future ahead of me and because of this I am drowned in glee, engulfed with the feeling that things are going to go my way. I have some exciting plans for my future and I have an enduring amount of respect for everyone that has supported me and my plans. It's those intimate, close moments with friends that will stick by me and never leave my memory.

I'd really like to thank my friends, everyone that surrounds me has been so great to me. They've offered their homes, their time and they've created memories with me that will stay with me until the end. I have people that I can phone up at any hour if I need guidance or support. Those are my heroes.

"I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world"

Thanks for reading.

I think it's appropriate to post one of the photographs from the 9/11 memorial due to the date this post is being published. This was taken at the 10th Memorial in 2011. Families and close loved ones stick together through hard times (I am by no means comparing what I've been through to the disaster that took place in New York, it's just a photograph of mine that I think is symbolic of mutual emotions). It is the people that have stuck by you, since the day you met that you must stick with in times of dire need. To be happy, you must surround yourself with people who make you happy. It's fine to be sad with those people but when all the tears have been shed you can celebrate the good times with them. I'm happy that I have someone I can call up late at night and completely pour my heart out to. Thank you, you make me smile.

Song listening to right now: Dark Days - Parkway Drive

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Week 162: No Respect.

The harsh truth that everyone is hiding from you. You're not doing any favours for yourself, you're losing friends and making enemies. People are laughing at you and people are talking about you. Don't shoot the messenger because I have not contributed to anything negative. People have lost all respect for you I'm afraid, but at least you're happy right? My advice to you is to just keep doing what makes you happy, but never lose sight of where you want to be. If you commit yourself to your dreams people will respect you. You have that in you, people still believe in you so hold on to your ambitions. You're slipping but don't let go.

A friend of mine posted a status on that infamous website stating: "You'll only lose something if you decide to let it go"

The first comment was from a person who I will name "Anon" and the second from Me. This is how the conversation of comments went...

Anon: I wish that were true :(

Me: That is True.

Anon: I didn't decided to go.. he did.

Me: Yeah and he lost you.

Anon: Yet I'm feeling loss and he isn't?

Me: Look at is like this;
the one who decided to cling on is the one who shouldn't have been let go of. They are the one with the commitment and dedication to what they believe in. So therefore it's his loss. He might not realise it just yet, but he will. He lost something that was worth clinging on to.

Me: It's not only relevant to relationships. It is true with band members, employment, inspirations, dreams and ideas. Hold on to what you believe in, to what you are dedicated to and what you've committed yourself to. It's the people that cling on to these things that are worth anything. I don't know you very well, in fact I barely know you at all but you're a clinger, which will pay off in your future. Whereas people who give up on things will constantly be starting from scratch and will be taking one step forward and two steps back.

Anon: It wasn't a relationship anyway.. just.. a friendship, you think that'd mean something.

Me: A friendship is a relationship.

People who give up on real dedication and turn their life into a series of distractions, convenient pairing-up and meaningless encounters have no right to try and destroy someone else's life. They have no right to put down the people that are trying their hardest and clinging on to what they have always believed in.

Live your own life to the full for God's sake.

Some people may take this blog as an insult, and if you do, just stop for one second before you jump at my throat. At first glance you will want to fight with what I am saying, you will want to prove me wrong, but just wait. Think about your dreams and ambitions. Think about the people that said they would always be there to help you through the hard times and finally reach that goal. That is what I do, I stop, I think and I weigh out the advice with patience and couth. I think about my best friends, I think about the ones that will never give up on me, the ones that give me that strength, that fuel to carry on through all the hard times and help me endure the daggers that have been flung at my face to try and stop me from succeeding. I'm writing this entry with adrenaline rushing through my body and my blood pumping through my veins. My friends and my family are the ones that deserve a slice of cake at the end of my battles and I'll serve it to them.


Never give up in what you believe in. Just don't do it. It doesn't matter what it is or what other people think of it. Just keep yourself commited to your beliefs.

Song listening to right now: New Noise - Refused