Sunday, 29 November 2009

Week 25: Home.

How can somebody be completely blinded by their own perception? When we enter a building for the first time, the viewing will be completely different from the 30th time. This week has lead me to believe that I have been misguided by my thoughts of my habitat. I live in a house, but I do not see it as being home. Nottingham is not my home, Reading is my home. However, after living in Nottingham (without going back) for about two months has made me see this house in a completely different light. Right this second, I am sitting in the living room whilst all my housemates are either asleep or away. I don't feel lonely. I feel lonely only when the room is full of people that (now that I realise it) have only been my friends for a short while. Don't get me wrong, I live with some fantastic people, who I am happy to share a house with and who I can genuinely call my friends. The thing is, I get this rushed feeling of paranoia sometimes that makes me jump and cringe, I can not live up to the social standards that are asked of me. I was recently asked not to disagree with someone, by that someone himself. How can one person dictate to me what I am allowed to disagree with? That is why this is not home.


This, however, is home. At the time of taking this photograph, it didn't feel like home, neither did it suit the situation I was in at the time, but I believe it really shows this feeling of being isolated. The pillars could represent the people around me constantly trying to support each other. Then there is just me, reflecting in my own paranoia and suspended by my own disbelief, feeling trapped by certain people who surround me. I'd like to add that there are people here who act as pillars for me, and I'd like to thank them for doing everything they can to make me comfortable.

Song listening to right now: Glorious - Andreas Johnson

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Week 24: Ignorance.

This week has made me want to change, but I see it as being a huge challenge. I feel my problems put me outside certain groups of people, even though they may not realise I am a certain way.

Anyway, thanks for reading.


This is obviously an extreme version of how I am feeling and a totally different situation, literally. However, emotionally it links in quite well with the way I feel. It is quite a coincidence as this image was not my idea.

This was taken for Richard Cooper's theatre design project, he approached me and asked to capture this image. The concept and design for it was completely his brainchild, I just did the technical stuff. I felt it reflected my emotional state. Thanks Rich.

Song listening to right now: Juliet - Army of Freshman

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Week 23: Commitment.

This week has kept me on my toes. I've been constantly working myself to death with this project and quite literally, it has had it's ups and downs. I won't spoil it for you, but it involves a lot of tripod action. This physical frustration tests my threshold of self patience, and I anger myself to the point where I must leave the room and come back to it with an open mind; and so it is with this that my anxiety compels me to gain experience, it takes over my mind with what I perceive as knowledge, but actually practice in the form of photography. The relaxation is the real activator of my potential, and as I sit back and let it wash through me, it gives me a sense of dedication. This may seem like "meandering chatter" but I feel as though I should explain, in the clearest way possible, why I put myself through this.

Thank you for reading.

Once again another self portrait. This isn't a narcissistic thing, I just wish to explore myself. Actually, on second thought, it may be a vanity thing, I'm not sure yet but I will find out once I have explored enough. Taken on a Hasselblad 503, with 120 Fujifilm Reala film, ISO 100.

Song listening to right now: Brain Damage - Pink Floyd

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Week 22: A portrait.

This is mainly a follow up from last week, so I don't really have much to say, I'm not being lazy. I've still been searching and trying to create a portrait that doesn't really act as a mask.



Drew some inspiration from Joel-Peter Witkin.

Song listening to right now: Business Time - Flight of The Conchords