How can somebody be completely blinded by their own perception? When we enter a building for the first time, the viewing will be completely different from the 30th time. This week has lead me to believe that I have been misguided by my thoughts of my habitat. I live in a house, but I do not see it as being home. Nottingham is not my home, Reading is my home. However, after living in Nottingham (without going back) for about two months has made me see this house in a completely different light. Right this second, I am sitting in the living room whilst all my housemates are either asleep or away. I don't feel lonely. I feel lonely only when the room is full of people that (now that I realise it) have only been my friends for a short while. Don't get me wrong, I live with some fantastic people, who I am happy to share a house with and who I can genuinely call my friends. The thing is, I get this rushed feeling of paranoia sometimes that makes me jump and cringe, I can not live up to the social standards that are asked of me. I was recently asked not to disagree with someone, by that someone himself. How can one person dictate to me what I am allowed to disagree with? That is why this is not home.
This, however, is home. At the time of taking this photograph, it didn't feel like home, neither did it suit the situation I was in at the time, but I believe it really shows this feeling of being isolated. The pillars could represent the people around me constantly trying to support each other. Then there is just me, reflecting in my own paranoia and suspended by my own disbelief, feeling trapped by certain people who surround me. I'd like to add that there are people here who act as pillars for me, and I'd like to thank them for doing everything they can to make me comfortable.
Song listening to right now: Glorious - Andreas Johnson