Do you ever feel like your "life pacemaker" has just stopped? You're running on a treadmill at your full potential then suddenly, the treadmill cuts out. You fall flat on your face and don't have the motivation to get back up again and carry on running.
Coming back from travelling, my daily routine has been smashed to smithereens. I've found myself with nothing to do for a while. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping and I when I lie in bed trying to get to sleep, I can't do it. I lie there thinking about all the time I'd waste if I fell asleep and all the things I could be doing with myself in that time. Then I think about thinking, a sort of meta-cognition, I think about how much time I'm wasting thinking about stuff like that. I'm not actually sleeping so I should be doing something proactive instead of just thinking about not doing it. It's an endless loop that really plays with my mind. After a busy few months I'm suddenly doing nothing with my days and nights, when I should really be finding a way to occupy my mind.
Thanks for reading.
I realise I have posted a photograph of a New York Sleeper before, in fact I have a fine collection of them. This one was taken just off E. 42nd street in Manhattan. This man was there all night long. Sleeping on the scaffolding. Every now and again he'd lose his balance, shudder and wake up momentarily. I wondered if he was dreaming about falling off a cliff, you know when you almost fall out of bed in your sleep? The difference was, that he was doing it every 30 seconds or so. I'm sure that can't be good for your brain. Constantly dreaming that you're falling to your death every 30 seconds. I'm sure it would have been more comfortable to just sleep on the ground with his back facing a nice hard wall and covered in the blanket he was carrying. Then again, I'm sure it would have been more comfortable sleeping in a king sized bed at the Hilton just down the road.
Song listening to right now: Runes To My Memory - Amon Amarth